Sunday, July 8, 2012

Stolen Moments- I had been robbed!

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Many of you know how hard it has been for me to open up and share our story as a special needs family... I have begun to do some inward therapy, lol, in hopes to let go of some of the pain I still hold.

I wanted to share an exerpt of a writing I just finished with you... some parts brutal but 100% honest.
"I had been robbed!"

Memories of my daughter's birth and the months that followed were surrounded by the sights, sounds and pungent odors of a hospital NICU... the odor of disinfectant and sterility... Sterile equipment, sterile stuffy hospital air, medical staff in their drab sterile scrubs, dim lighting, dark rooms painted such a horrid shade of taupe...seemingly missing all that in my mind was good and pure. Monotonous clicking and beeping of monitors... air hissing from oxygen ports... the screech of a machine as our child would stop breathing...

Worst of all... the sight of my tiny newborn... wrapped in wires and stickers as she lay bare in her little clear box...that damn little box that reminded every second that I could not hold her... tubes in her nose providing the food I so longed to be able to feed her... the endless toe sticks and scraping for precious blood to run yet another test because her veins could not tolerate any more needles... and that God Forsaken tube... the ugly blue and steel tube that now graced my daughters neck instead of a string of pearls or lace collar...

I will never forget the day my husband stood in the hallway ranting to me that he would not allow them to trach her... ever... His hatred for those white coated Doctors ran very deep. Once, as those uniformed bullies surrounded her tiny hospital crib... sticking her over and over trying to start an IV- our daughter cried and violently shook; screaming til no more air could escape her tiny sick lungs. As parents our job is to protect our children from harm... we felt as if we were horrible people, somehow to blame for this nightmare of events... Myself sobbing and wailing loudly... my heart breaking as those emotionless bastards continued to inflict more pain on our baby... Silently Jim stood by my side holding me, then... in the blink of an eye he lost all control...

To continue reading this story of our twisted faily tale, more in depth than I have ever shared here... please pop over to my other blog, Never Lose your Sparkle!  I urge you to follow via GFC as soon most of these heartfelt ramblings will only be found there.  If you or someone you know has a special needs story to share, please contact me! 

Many times we SN mommies feel alone.  Somehow that our feeling are wrong or bad... we need each other to realize that we are very very normal and just plain honest!  Have an idea or craft to help spread the spark... let me know and we'll get it featured!

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